nobody

save for the reckoning
of doubt and determined, ghosts
of bitter yearnings and silence
tipping the salt and swaying lamps
subtle signals sent desperately
we are here across the table
so much between us and the moths
drawn to the lights
I want to be in love again
but mostly happiness like a shallow pool
engulfs me and wading further seems
foolish having wisened in my old age
purpose fashioned like a flattened hat
these are our days and nights
and we laugh, long term plans pressed
further out in measured days
this week our demons live in cigarettes
sleeping in and missed text messages
nothing so serious as
all the stars that died to
build our bones
we are merely breathing
it is a nice night
cats are out and they come up
in passing to
say hello.

poem

suddenly I want to write again
compulsively on napkins and bathroom walls
feeling like there is too much to ever know where
to begin or to ever say all of it
instead of feeling like it's all been said

The hopelessness I once felt in bookstores and libraries
has utterly dissipated even as I
have forgotten how to spell words,
lost some entirely and
no longer own any pens worth writing with.

This sudden transition, while hopeful
is marked by such a deep unfathomable
sadness
I don't want to show it to anyone
partly because
it is so deep and so wide I
can't imagine that we are not
all in it together
touching fingertips already
I want to show
the darkness to itself outside
in between the trees where
the real world is

Away from the bright city
we have built to distract us
its own adoring idol
the unmade bed of our
lost lust for
the naked soil
beneath our beating hearts.

bread and water

love is such a misery
shallow poison weak and petty
lead bellied heart hardener
hands that feel hunger
for touch
the cold clammy sweat of
bitter jealousy
the smell of your warm breath
when you snore
my body is a team
of animals
visceral menagerie under house
arrest
the tigers lack restraint
scratch at the furniture
say things they shouldn't
and will
shred everything to spaghetti
and eat it
if you fuck with them.